Unless you’ve been living in a cave, you know that the Fed
announced yesterday that “the taper” will begin, i.e., the Fed will cut back
its $85 billion per month program of buying longer dated treasuries and mortgage
backed securities (“MBS”) by $10 billion per month, with the cutback being
split evenly between treasuries and MBS.
Obsequious Ben made a point, however, of “reassuring” the markets that
short term rates will remain low for about as long as the eye can see and then
some; see today’s other post, THE CAR BUSINESS AND CHEAP MONEY: “HOW MUCH YA GOTTA PUT DOWN? HOW MUCH YA GOT IN YOUR POCKET?” for the impact of this “easy money forever” policy on one
vital industry.
It’s bad enough that money will stay easy seemingly forever;
it’s even worse that this senseless, pointless “taper talk” will continue as
long as Ben Bernanke, his successor, and their henchpersons continue to shovel
money into the system (now “only” $75 billion per month) at about the same rate
Flash Gordon and Doctor Zarkov were forced by Prince Vultan to shovel coal into
the ovens of the Flying City of the Hawkmen.
For at least the last few months, there has seemingly been nothing else
going on in the world of finance, or the world, for that matter, but a
“potential for tapering,” if one gets one’s news from the financial media. Now, with only a minor retreat on the
monetary front from the Bizarro World, this talk of tapering will apparently never
cease.
So, tiring of having the financial talking heads speak of
nothing but tapering, I fell asleep on the couch the other day watching CNBC
and Bloomberg TV, while reading the Wall
Street Journal, and lapsed into a dream….
FINANCIAL REPORTER I:
Here with us today is Elon Musk, Chairman, CEO, and founder of
Tesla. Welcome, Mr. Musk. You company, and its stock, has been one of
the year’s major stories.
MUSK: That’s
right. Our sales are increasing, our
nationwide network of superchargers will soon make it possible to traverse the
nation without the remotest fear of being stranded, the fires amounted to
nothing, and it’s onward and upward.
FINANCIAL REPORTER I: That’s great, Mr. Musk. But do you think the Fed will start tapering
in December or March?
MUSK: Huh?
FINANCIAL REPORTER II:
Thanks for asking all the right questions, my esteemed colleague. I have here with me Alan Mulally, chairman
and CEO of Ford Motor Company. Mr.
Mulally, your stock has been on a tear this year.
MULALLY: That’s
right. While we’ve had to cut back on
Focus and Fusion production to keep inventories in line, that is, in reality,
good news because now we actually have the flexibility to adjust
production. Sales remain strong,
affordability is about as good as it’s ever been. And our products are continually being
updated to remain competitive. Here we
have the brand new Mustang….
FINANCIAL REPORTER II:
But, Mr. Mulally….
MULALLY: You’re not
going to ask me about my going to Microsoft, are you? Because I’m saying nothing on that topic; I’m
here to talk about Ford, whose shareholders I am proud to serve as Chairman….
FINANCIAL REPORTER II:
No, Mr. Mulally. I wasn’t going
to bring up Microsoft at all. I want to
know if the Fed will taper next month.
MULALLY: How the
heck am I supposed to know?
FINANCIAL REPORTER II:
Since Mr. Mulally has nothing of interest to say, let’s go over to our
sports reporter with a special guest.
SPORTS REPORTER: I
have with me the uncrowned Heisman Trophy winner, Jordan Lynch from Northern
Illinois University, a man who runs, throws, and even catches passes, for big
yards, a man who has broken every MAC record
that seemingly can be broken, a man who clearly should have won the Heisman
Trophy.
LYNCH: Thanks for
the kind words. But Jameis Winston is a
great quarterback and deserved to win the Trophy. I’ve had a great career at NIU and I look forward
to playing QB in the pros. They said I
couldn’t play QB in Division I and I proved them wrong. They now say I can’t play QB in the pros, and
I intend to prove them wrong….
SPORTS REPORTER:
That’s great, Jordan, but I have something that everyone wants your
opinion on. When will the Fed start
tapering?
LYNCH: Who do I look
like? Maria Bartiromo?
SPORTS REPORTER:
Wait, wait. We have to break in
for what, if it’s true, appears to be at least the story of the century. Now to our world affairs reporter….
WORLD AFFAIRS REPORTER:
We have in the studio Jesus
Christ, who apparently just dropped in for a visit. Mr. Christ, do you have anything you’d like
to tell us.
CHRIST: As a matter
of fact I do. I’m getting pretty sick
and tired of the way people are celebrating My birthday. I’m the Prince of Peace, for My sake, and yet
everyone sees fit to commemorate my birth by getting all stressed out in the
silly acquisition of material things, the type of stuff I always preached
against. It’s like I’m going to My
birthday party and having the guests take turn slapping Me in the face! You think I like that? Why can’t we get back to the original
point? Peace on earth, goodwill to men,
render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s and unto God the things that
are God’s, how many people I fed with seven loaves and two fishes, the leaven
of the Pharisees and all those things I was trying to tell you. Where did everything connected with MY
birthday go so horribly wrong?
WORLD AFFAIRS REPORTER:
Yeah, yeah, Mr. Christ. Wonderful
sentiments, I’m sure. But what our
viewers want to know is whether the Fed will taper, by how much, and when.
CHRIST: I’ll be
back…be assured, I’ll be back.
…as Jesus vanishes from the studio.
Blessed, holy, and wonderful Christmas with your
families. Remember the Man on His
birthday.
Hopefully, we’ll talk before the new year breaks, but, if
not, prosperous and joyous new year to you and those you love.
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